


New Stories Every Hour

by xenolith1245



Series: xenolith1245's south park one shots [13]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Compliant, Digital Art, Established Relationship, Fanart, Fluff, Gay, Gen, Harassment, High School, Humor, M/M, Meta, Post-Canon, Revenge, Valentine's Day, Yaoi, cupidcartmansarrow, major heckling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenolith1245/pseuds/xenolith1245
Summary: Tweek and Craig fall victim to another Eavesdropper scandal - right before Valentine's Day too!How will they get their revenge?Inspired by the South Park Valentine's Day Art Contest
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Series: xenolith1245's south park one shots [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956913
Comments: 18
Kudos: 70
Collections: sp creek server valentines 2021





	New Stories Every Hour

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SouthDrarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthDrarry/gifts).



> I submitted artwork for the #CupidCartmansArrow contest on Twitter and just had to write a fic about it!
> 
> This story is dedicated to the newest member of the sp creek server - SouthDrarry! Thank you for being a wonderful addition to the server with your positive attitude and overall amazingness! I hope you like this story!

“‘Scott Malkinson trades insulin for nude photos of Bebe Stevens’ heh heh.” Craig said, holding his phone close to his face. 

Tweek took a few books from his locker, shoving them into his bag and slamming his locker shut. He walked past Craig as he swung the bag over his shoulders, listening to his boyfriend’s steps behind him. 

“Ooh ooh, babe, listen to this: ‘Note from Kevin Stoley reveals how he secretly feels about Heidi Turner’ oh this should be good.” 

“Dude, you’ve been on that site again for days.” Tweek said, opening the door to their first class. “Aren’t you sick of all the gossip?” 

Craig followed Tweek, the door nearly closing on him as he entered the room, eyes still glued to his phone. “Honey, this shit is  _ hilarious _ .”

Tweek dropped his bag next to his desk, turning around to face Craig, as Craig ran into him. Tweek put his hands on Craig’s chest, pushing him back a few inches. “Why is it so funny?”

“Oh come on.” Craig said, this time putting his phone down and looking at Tweek, a grin on his face. “You can’t seriously think this stuff isn’t funny.” He dropped his backpack at the desk next to Tweek, leaning against it. “Like this, for instance: ‘Video of Mike Makowski being chased by a flock of geese surfaces despite denial of its existence.’ Look, there’s a YouTube link.”

Tweek leaned over to catch a glimpse of Craig’s screen, chuckling as he heard the honking of geese from the speakers. “Okay, maybe  _ that’s _ kinda funny.”

“Okay class! Take your seats!” The teacher yelled. 

Craig leaned forward, kissing Tweek on the lips before sitting in his seat. Tweek’s eyes widened, and he covered his face with his hand, trying hard to stop his face from flushing and to also ignore the whistling he heard behind him. 

_ Stupid Craig. _ He thought as he took his own seat. Since when did Craig get so...bold? Tweek shook his head, taking out his notebook and opening to a random blank page. Tweek started doodling long lines, curling them around each other, and set his head on his left hand. He hoped it looked like he was taking notes - he didn’t want to be called on today. 

The teacher began talking about something, but Tweek was already off daydreaming about anything other than class. Specifically Valentine’s Day. He glanced at Craig out of the corner of his eye, taking in Craig’s bored expression as he laid forward overtop the desk. He didn’t even look like he was trying to take notes, and Tweek knew the boy would probably end up in detention  _ yet again _ . Especially since he seemed to still be trying to discreetly look at his phone. 

Tweek wanted to roll his eyes. That damn Eavesdropper site made its way back into everyone’s lives once again. He thought they had left it behind in elementary school with the whole strange debacle with some gerbil or hamster or something. But the site was brought back, and still no one knew who was behind it. Tweek assumed it was some bored students…or Stan and those guys. That wouldn’t surprise him at all. 

He continued his lackadaisical pen strokes, this time changing up the lines to form hearts.  _ Valentine’s Day. _ This would be their seventh Valentine’s Day together, and Tweek honestly had no ideas. Did Craig even have ideas? Did Craig get him something? He vaguely remembered last Valentine’s, where they just ordered pizza and played Xbox together, forgoing the typical gift exchange in favor of loading up on junk food. To Tweek, that sounded like the perfect way to spend the day.

Maybe he would just suggest that to Craig. Tweek scribbled some more on his notebook as he filled up the page with black ink. It’s not like they had anything specific planned anyway. 

***

“You guys don’t have anything planned?” Clyde asked later that day after third period, while they walked to the library.

“Is playing Xbox not a good plan?” Tweek asked, hiking up his bag on his back. Were the books heavier today, or was it just him?

“Tweek, dude.” Clyde said, putting an arm around Tweek and pulling him close as they continued walking. “We’re in high school. We’re practically adults. Xbox is like a child’s date. You gotta man up and take Craig out proper.” 

Tweek narrowed his eyebrows. “Take him out - I’m not gunna kill him!”

“What?” Clyde laughed. “No no. Like, take him out on a  _ date _ . Get all dressed up and buy him flowers!” Clyde rubbed his chin. “Do guys like flowers?”

“Do  _ you _ like flowers?” Tweek asked. 

“Hell yeah, I would take flowers!” Clyde said. “So fuck yeah, get him flowers! That’s what I’m getting Bebe. And I’m taking her to this upscale fancy Italian restaurant cause she likes pasta. I got reservations like  _ forever _ ago. Gotta impress!” 

Tweek tried to imagine the look on Craig’s face if he handed him flowers, and shook his head. “I dunno, dude.”

“That’s what Valentine’s day is for - going all out.” Clyde said, leading the two of them into the library for study period. “Craig needs a man that treats him right if you know what I’m sayin’.”

“GAH!” Tweek said, covering his face once more. “Don’t say shit like that, man.” 

Clyde slapped Tweek on the back, causing Tweek to take a few steps forward and nearly trip. “Take my advice, Tweek, and I promise you’ll get laid for sure.” 

“Rrrrrgggghh.” Tweek grumbled. He took his seat next to Craig, who he didn’t share third period with, and who was still engrossed in his phone. “You still on that thing?”

“Babe, babe, look.” Craig turned the phone around, showing a picture of some graffiti on the wall outside the gym. He turned it back around before reading out loud: “‘Corey Lanskin suspected of vandalizing school gym after incriminating security video surfaces’. Damn - I had wondered who did that one.”

Tweek leaned over, trying to get a good look on Craig’s phone. The boy was scrolling through so fast, Tweek couldn’t keep up with all the headlines as they blurred past him. How much of this content did Craig consume all day at this rate? No wonder he wasn’t texting Tweek through class. 

Tweek frowned. His messages were pretty light, now that he thought about it. The two of them usually sent each other messages throughout the day, every day. The last message he received from Craig was sometime this morning.  _ Before _ class. 

“Hey, should we do something different for Valentine’s Day this year?” Tweek asked. 

“Hmm?” Craig was still skimming his phone. 

“Valentine’s. Day.” Tweek said. “It’s this weekend.”

“Oh, right.” Craig still kept his eyes on his phone. 

_ This is worse than that buddha box thing _ . Tweek thought. “You, me,  _ Valentine’s Day _ . You know, since we’re a  _ couple _ ?”

“Ooh how about this one? ‘Asian girls post yaoi art of Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak for a Valentine’s Day contest on Twitter.’” Craig chuckled. 

Tweek leaned over again. “What!?”

“Heh heh heh.” Craig said, scrolling further down the list. “Wait…” He scrolled back up. “That’s  _ us _ .”

“WAAAHH!!” Tweek screamed, holding the sides of his head. “WHAT?!”

“SHH!” The librarian shouted from across the room. 

“OH MY GOD!” Tweek yelled. 

Craig grabbed Tweek’s hand, pulling him up out of the chair and out of the library, leaving both of their bags behind. Tweek clutched his shirt at his chest, pulling on the fabric and trying to calm his racing heart as Craig led them past the rows of lockers, stopping in front of the vandalized gym wall. 

“Please tell me you’re kidding!” Tweek shouted. 

“I wish I were.” Craig said, eyes wide and staring at his phone. “Fuck!” 

“Not this again!” Tweek pulled on his hair and started pacing back and forth. “I thought we left this behind us!” He pointed at Craig’s phone. “In the same place we left this fucking Eavsedropper thing!” 

“I know,” Craig said. “ _ I know. _ ”

The yaoi art had been relentless - and it went on for  _ weeks _ . While Tweek had to give the movement credit for the two of them getting together, he still couldn’t shake the  _ hundreds _ of images that flooded social media forever - even after they were together!

“This isn’t your dad, is it?” Tweek asked.

“Fuck, it better not be.” Craig said. He glared at Tweek. “Why my dad, huh? Why not yours, Mr. ‘A Gay Son is Good for the Coffee Business.’”

Tweek glared back, flipping his boyfriend off. “Oh fuck you, your dad was instrumental in this fucking yaoi thing. He lead the underground market for fuck’s sake!” 

“Yeah, and your dad bought from him!” Craig flipped him off back. “That fucking shop still has one framed and hanging up!” 

“Uuuuughhhhh!” Tweek pulled his hair again. 

Craig frowned, and grabbed onto Tweek’s wrists, pulling his hands from his hair. “Look, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t fight over this.” Craig turned Tweek’s hands over, holding them in his. 

Tweek let out a loud breath, suddenly aware of how he was grinding his teeth. “Yeah, I know.” He squeezed Craig’s hands back. “But what the fuck are we gunna do?”

Craig smiled, but Tweek saw it as more of a grimace than a true smile. “New stories pop up on Eavesdropper every hour. People are gonna forget all about this.”

***

Tweek stabbed his fork into his mac n’ cheese, stabbing repeatedly at each noodle on his plate as he leaned on his opposite hand. “Forget all about this, huh?”

Craig pulled his hat down over his face.

“Look, look!” Clyde scrolled through his phone. “Look at this one! Damn, Tweek, I didn’t know you were so ripped!” 

Token and Jimmy laughed as Clyde showed them the image on his phone, both boys were scrolling through their phones as well. Apparently this contest was  _ trending _ on Twitter, and Tweek smacked his head on the table a few times. 

“What about this one?” Token turned his phone screen around. “Look at how small Tweek is. Damn, Craig, you into midgets or something?”

“What the fuck.” Craig said. “Fuck you, asshole.”

The laughter was louder now, and Jimmy took a turn this time. “G-guys. Ch-check this out-t.” On Jimmy’s phone was a drawing of Tweek with the largest anime eyes he had ever seen, and Craig was wearing a leather jacket and smoking a cigarette. “You k-know - smoking g-gives you c-cancer, man.”

Craig held out both hands, flipping everyone at the table off. “You guys are fucking dicks.”

Tweek was clenching his teeth again, and he purposely opened his mouth, stretching out his jaw. He shoved a few forkfuls of macaroni in his mouth and rubbed his forehead. 

“Hey fellas!” Butters yelled, running over to their table. “Did you see this picture of Tweek n’ Craig?”

“Woah!” Clyde yelled, covering his eyes. “Holy fuck, Craig! Why is your dick bent like that?” 

“God damnit.” Craig said. 

“You should probably go to the hospital.” Token said. “That probably hurts.” 

“I’m gunna fucking kill all of you.” Craig said. 

“B-bring it, p-p-pussy.” 

“Craig, do you let Tweek stick his dick in you like this?” Butters asked. “Doesn’t that make you the girl?” 

Tweek jumped as Craig’s hands slammed on the table, causing all the lunch trays to rattle. Butters flinched, running away from the table as Craig stood up. 

“Yeah that makes you wonder.” Clyde started. “Which one of you would be the top and who would be the bottom?” 

“Oh, C-craig’s the b-bottom for s-sure.” Jimmy said. “He’d l-let T-tweek do what-whatever he w-wanted.” 

“GAH!” Tweek shoved his tray back and stood up. “Why are you talking about this!?” 

“Oh, it’s all over these posts!” Clyde said. “There’s an intense debate on this picture here.” Clyde turned his phone around showing artwork of Tweek leaning over Craig’s back as Craig’s eyes were wide, and both of them were naked. 

“WHAT?!” Tweek batted the phone away, and Clyde tried to catch it as it hit the table. “AAUUGHHHH”

Clyde looked over at Token after he picked up his phone. “Well damn, does this mean Cartman’s right?” 

“SHUT UP SHUT UP!” Tweek grabbed Craig’s hand, pulling him away from the table, feeling little resistance as he stormed across the cafeteria. He could feel the eyes of nearly everyone on them, but he kept moving, pushing past Kevin Stoley and out the doors. It was a direct inversion of their earlier actions as Tweek kept pulling Craig along behind him. 

And they once more were in front of the vandalized gymnasium. 

“Oh yeah, forget all about it?” Tweek said. “New stories every hour?”

“Ugh.” Craig said. “This one’s apparently pretty popular.”

“YOU THINK!?” Tweek pulled out his phone. “LOOK AT THIS! There were like twenty, now there’s over a hundred! WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM!?”

Craig grabbed Tweek’s phone. “This one’s from your mom.” 

“What!?” Tweek took his phone back, noting his mother’s Twitter handle and a picture of him and Craig leaning against each other on the couch, clearly asleep. “This isn’t even yaoi! It’s just us!” 

It was at this moment that Tweek looked behind Craig and noted that the vandalism on the wall was just a bunch of dick drawings. He shook his head. “Fuck, man.” 

Craig took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “We just have to calm down. Okay?” He put his hands on Tweek’s shoulders.

“Are you telling me this, or yourself this?” 

“Does it matter?”

***

Tweek walked into his last class and was greeted with cat calls. At this rate, he was sure he would crack a tooth and cause an expensive dental bill. 

“Awwww look at this one!” Wendy huddled near Bebe. “It’s so  _ romantic _ .” 

“I love what they did with the colors on this one!” Bebe responded. “It’s like it’s taken straight from a fairy tale!”

Tweek folded his arms over his desk, laying his head down over them and closed his eyes. HIs phone was going off constantly - he was now being tagged in the artwork, and he wanted to just throw his phone away. He settled for turning it off instead, but he was tempted. 

“Are you gunna draw something? I hear the prize is a thousand dollars!” Red said. “Makes you wish you could draw, am I right?” 

“A thousand dollars?” Cartman chimed in. 

“Yeah! The winner gets a  _ thousand dollars _ .” 

“Bullshit.” Kyle said. “They haven’t announced a prize.”

“Oh, so you’ve been checking it out, huh?” Cartman asked. “What happened to ‘drawing pictures of people isn’t right’, huh Kahl?” 

“Fuck off!” 

_ Stop it stop it stop it _ . Tweek thought, closing his eyes tightly. “Ugh!” 

“This one is gorgeous!” Bebe said as Wendy leaned over and looked at her phone. “I can’t believe there are people out there that draw this well. Look at the details in the lighting! And in Craig’s eyes!” 

“He has green eyes?” Wendy asked.

“Yes.” Tweek mumbled. 

“I never noticed before!” Wendy continued. 

“Don’t let Stan hear you’re checking out Craig now.” Bebe laughed. “He’d get  _ mad _ jealous. And before Valentine’s Day too!” 

Wendy slapped Bebe’s arm, but there was minimal force behind it.

Tweek hit his head a few times on the desk. 

“Craig’s got quite the six pack in this one,” Heidi said. “Look at those muscles! You think he looks like this under those baggy sweaters he wears?” 

“Oooh you think he works out?” Wendy asked.

“No! God damnit no!” Tweek shot up from the desk. “He doesn’t work out! His is a skinny lanky twig under that jacket! He’s not some bad boy rule breaker who gets caught smoking out in the back of the school! And his eyes  _ are _ fucking green and they are fucking  _ gorgeous  _ and he’s fucking  _ gay _ so you  _ keep your hands off him! _ ”

The room went silent, and Tweek was clenching his fists open and closed.  _ Oh god - what did I just do? _

“Interesting,” Lisa Akimoto said from the corner of the room. 

“Fuck.” 

***

“Hey Craig - you need Tweek to protect you?” Kenny said, scrolling through his phone at the end of the school day. 

“I’m sorry!” Tweek said as Craig was messing with his locker content. 

Craig slammed his locker shut, and Tweek jumped back. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” He flipped off Kenny, taking Tweek’s hand in his as they walked down the hallway. 

“Oooooh scary!” Kenny said. “Bad boy Tucker - oh wait, that’s not right, is it?” 

Stan, who was scrolling through his phone next to Kenny, laughed. “You see this one? ‘Don’t touch my Craig!’ Haha.”

Tweek stopped walking, pulling Craig back to stop with him. “Fuck you, Stan! Did you know Wendy was getting all hot and bothered by Craig in history class?” He flipped him off. “Don’t be jealous she doesn’t get that way about you!” 

Stan’s mouth opened wide, and Kenny just burst out laughing. 

Tweek pulled Craig along once more. He was pretty sure that they both were going to pull each other’s arms off at this rate. 

“See, I knew Tweek was the top,” Clyde said, snapping a photo with his phone as they walked by. “Pay up Cartman.”

“Fuck you asshole!” Cartman said. “This proves nothing!” 

“SHUT UP SHUT UP!” Tweek walked faster. They continued out of the school and down the street, ignoring the comments and stares from their classmates. Tweek was actively grinding his teeth now, and his head was starting to hurt. 

“Tweek.”

Why was this happening again? His steps slowed down. What was with everyone’s obsession with them? He couldn’t deal with all this attention. 

“ _ Tweek _ .” 

He stopped, letting go of Craig’s hand, and put both hands in his hair. There were probably thousands of these drawings out there now. God, what happens when he tries to apply for a job later, and his employer searches his name? It’s not like he has a common name! All this shit’s gunna pop up! 

“We’re done for, Craig!” Tweek put his hands on Craig’s shoulders, shaking him. “What are we gunna doooo!?” 

“Tweek,  _ honey _ , I have an idea.” Craig said as he was being shaken around. When Tweek let him go, he adjusted his sweater and then his hat, which had been shaken off center. “How much money do you have?”

“What!?”

“Money. How much money do you have?” Craig asked, taking his phone out of his pocket, and clicking around on the screen. 

“Uhm…” Tweek thought for a minute. “Uh...I mean I probably have like a hundred dollars?”

“Okay cool. I think I have about a hundred bucks too.” Craig said, still typing on his phone. “Are your parents at the shop?” 

Tweek nodded. 

“Okay. Let’s go to your house.” Craig said. “We’re gunna have a long night.”

***

Tweek sat at his desk, hands folded under his chin, and left knee bobbing up and down as he stared at the image in front of him. This was another submitted art, and for some reason, Tweek just couldn’t look away from this one. While most of the art submitted was clearly exaggerated, this one looked incredibly realistic. 

He tilted his head a bit to the side, taking in all the specific details. It was  _ definitely _ not safe for work, but they seemed to capture their bodies nearly accurately. It was scary. They captured Craig’s more slender form, his gentle curves, and the sultry look in his eyes. Tweek’s doppelganger was behind Craig, clearly on the  _ giving _ end, his longer hair resting on Craig’s shoulder as he kissed Craig’s neck. 

God...this image. Tweek rubbed his eyes, taking note of the yaoi-Tweek’s hand that was wrapped around Craig’s midsection and placed firmly on...well, that part was actually off screen. But Tweek could imagine. 

In the time they had been together, they actually hadn’t... _ gone all the way _ . They had talked about it before, when they were fooling around in Tweek’s room, but they always wondered if they were ready for that kind of thing. Tweek always just assumed he would end up on the...well on the  _ bottom _ . Craig just seemed more knowledgeable on these things. But the more Tweek looked at these images, the more he realized that Craig had the same amount of knowledge he did. 

“What are you looking at?”

“ACK!” Tweek hit a few keys, closing the browser. “Nothing!” 

Craig set down a coffee mug on the desk, and sipped at his soda, pulling up a chair next to Tweek. He moved the keyboard and mouse closer to himself, and Tweek grabbed the coffee mug. 

“I think you’ve learned how to make coffee.” Tweek said. 

“Fuck you,” Craig said, typing loudly on the keys. “...I hope it’s good.”

“It’s great.” Tweek said. He leaned over and kissed Craig on the cheek. “It’s perfect.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Craig said, hitting the enter key. “Okay, babe, look at this.” 

Tweek leaned over, sipping at his coffee once more as he glanced at the screen. “What the fuck is ‘Fiverr’?” 

“This,” Craig said, tapping his finger on the screen. “is how we get revenge.” He smirked, pulling something out of his pocket and laying it on the table. “Here, I turned our money into a prepaid gift card.”

Tweek picked up the card, noting the VISA logo on the front. “Okay…so what does this website do?”

Craig grinned. “We can pay people to do things for us.” He clicked around the screen, moving so quick that Tweek gave up trying to follow along. “For example, this guy will draw us a picture for five dollars.” 

“Oh,” Tweek said. “Why do you want them to draw us a picture?”

“Babe…” Craig said. “They can  _ draw us anything for five dollars. _ ”

“Oh.” Tweek said again. “OH!” He smirked, rubbing his hands together. “I see, I see.”

“There are a bunch of people on here,” Craig continued. “But this won’t be enough - with our money we can only get like forty pictures.” 

“But they have  _ thousands! _ ” Tweek yelled. “Based on last time, it’ll be  _ millions _ by tomorrow!”

Craig picked up a stack of paper, dropping it loudly on the desk, and Tweek jumped a bit in his seat. “Why do you think I said we’d have a long night?” 

“Oh god!” 

***

Tweek’s eyes started drooping, and his head bobbed down, only to shoot back up when he dropped his pencil. “Ack!” 

Craig yawned next to him, covering his mouth, but continued to color using an orange marker. Tweek watched Craig’s hands move slowly, but deliberately, across the paper, and he tilted his head.

“Why do I sometimes forget you’re left handed?” Tweek tried to hold back his own yawn, but failed.

Craig set his marker down, grabbing his soda and drinking the rest of it, stacking his can on top of the various other cans on the desk. Craig had started a pyramid at about midnight, and Tweek was sure this last can would knock everything over. But Craig expertly placed the can at the tip of the pyramid, and Tweek chuckled. 

“Master engineer over here.” He said. 

“Oh whatever,” Craig stood up, stretching his arms above his head as he walked around. Tweek watched as Craig easily avoided the piles of clothes on the floor and the general mess that Tweek always had lying around. 

Tweek set his pencil down, moving the picture he was working on to the top of their paper stack, and walked over to Craig, wrapping his arms around him from behind, and pressing his face to the back of Craig’s neck. He inhaled slowly, closing his eyes and allowing himself to sink into the feeling of just  _ Craig _ . “Do we have enough?” 

Tweek felt Craig’s hands cover his own, fingers intertwining together. Tweek shifted his weight as Craig leaned back a bit on him, and Tweek tightened his grip around his boyfriend. “Yeah maybe.”

“I think I’m done drawing,” Tweek mumbled into Craig’s neck. He pivoted his feet once more, pulling Craig down onto the bed, landing with a THUMP. 

“What are you doing?” Craig asked, lying against Tweek as the small spoon and perpendicular to the bed itself.

Tweek held him closer. “Going to bed. Goodnight.” 

Craig’s gentle laughs shook Tweek a little bit. “You gunna sleep like this?”

“Too tired.” Tweek nodded his head. “You stay here.”

Craig turned around, keeping Tweek’s arm around him. “You want to give our parents more things to talk about?”

“Ugh…” Tweek said. “Well it’s too late for you to leave now.” 

Craig sat up, kicking his shoes off and removing his hat, tossing it somewhere on the floor. He unbuttoned his jacket, throwing that on the ground too, revealing his white t-shirt underneath. Tweek bit his bottom lip as Craig removed his pants as well, leaving himself in his boxers.

Craig yawned again, lifting up Tweek's blanket and sheets before climbing the correct way into the bed. Tweek stood up as Craig pulled the sheet out from underneath him. "Okay, honey. I'll stay."

The image he saw earlier ran through Tweek's mind, but he shook his head. He undressed in a similar manner to Craig and laid himself under the covers next to his boyfriend.

Before turning off the lamp on the nightstand, Tweek looked over his shoulder at Craig, who had laid down and closed his eyes. Tweek smiled, wondering at what point he could do this with Craig every night in their own house. "Craig?"

"Hmm?" Craig didn't open his eyes, but snuggled closer into the pillow.

"What do you wanna do for Valentine's Day?"

"I don't care," Craig said, his typical monotone now sported a drowsy ring to it. 

"But it's  _ Valentine's Day _ ." Tweek said, shutting the light off and laying down next to Craig. The only light in the room came from the moon peering in from the partially open blinds, casting Craig in a bluish hue. Tweek laid his head over his arm and just stared at Craig, taking in all the features of his boyfriend. From the shine in his messy black hair, to the curves of his face and nose, to the way Craig's skin tone contrasted the white of his shirt. 

The drawings themselves could never live up to the real thing.

Another yawn from Craig, who scooted closer to Tweek and draped an arm over his waist, eyes still closed. "I don't care as long as I get to spend the day with you."

Tweek felt the blush on his face, but before he had a chance to respond, he heard Craig's light snores, and the weight from Craig's arm fully on his waist. Tweek smiled, leaning over and placing a kiss on Craig's forehead before laying his own arm over Craig's waist, and drifted off to sleep.

***

"HA look at this one! Craig is so fucking gay." Cartman howled in the hallway the next morning.

"He  _ is  _ gay, you fucking idiot." Kyle yelled. 

"Yeah but look! Tweek's mom posted a picture of them sleeping together last night! They clearly had sex!"

"Babe, we should really have a talk with your mom." Craig said, holding Tweek's hand as they stood in the center of the hallway.

"Don't remind me," Tweek said, his other hand bunching up his shirt once more at his chest. His heart was racing about a million miles a minute. "You sure this is gunna work?!"

Craig nodded, his opposite hand was holding his cell phone. "Trust me, honey."

"Ha! Look at this one! Damn, Craig, you really know how to suck dick, don't you?" Stan looked up at the two of them as he scrolled through his phone.

"I thought these were supposed to be rated PG." Kenny said. "Oh well, more torment for you, huh Tucker?"

Craig flipped him off and Tweek responded with "ACK!"

"Like this one! Look how cute little Tweek is!" Kenny pinched Stan's cheek, and Stan batted Kenny's hand away. "You should wear that maid outfit to school one day."

"RRRGGGGHHH." Tweek flipped off Kenny as well. But before he could shout out an insult to his tormentor, he felt Craig's hand squeeze his.

One by one, notifications started going off throughout the hallway. Tweek watched as Kenny's laughs started to fade as he looked down at his phone. "Wait, what the  _ fuck!? _ "

"Dude! Is that you and Cartman!?" Stan yelled.

"Oh god!" Kenny dropped his phone.

"What the fuck!" Stan said. Another notification went off. "Holy shit!"

"What the fuck is Cartman doing to you?" Kenny shouted.

"Is that Kenny getting double teamed by Cartman and Stan?" Clyde came running down the hallway. "Dude!"

"Heh he, yeah," Butters said, scrolling and laughing. "Hey Clyde, here's you sucking off Cartman!" His laughs got louder. "And here's me sucking off Cartman….oh...oh hamburgers."

"WHY IS THERE ONE OF ME AND CARTMAN!?" Kyle yelled. "WHO THE FUCK POSTED ALL THESE!?"

Tweek and Craig both slapped their opposite hands over their mouths at the same time, stifling the laughs from spilling out. Tweek thought he would lose it at any moment, and he could feel the tears wetting his eyes.

"Oh sick, there's one with Clyde and the whole football team!" Stan said.

"There's your number too!" Kenny pointed at Stan's phone.

"Ugh!"

"Why am I wearing a dress and sitting on Kenny's lap!? What the…" Token said as he walked up from behind Tweek and Craig. 

"Who the FUCK did this!?  _ Seriously!? _ " Cartman shouted. "Why the FUCK am I on the bottom!? If anyone's the bottom, it's fucking Kahl!"

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking fatass!" Kyle yelled.

"Asking the real questions, I see." Craig said, rubbing his chin. "What do you think, babe? Is Cartman a top or a bottom?"

Tweek snickered. "Oh a bottom  _ for sure _ ."

"Oh you assholes are gunna pay!" Cartman said. "This was all you, wasn't it!?"

"Nah, we can't draw!" Tweek said. "Besides, we were too busy having sex, remember?"

"God damnit I'm seriously!!"

"Come on, babe, let's get to class." Craig said.

"Gladly!" Tweek responded.

***

"Ooh check this one out, Craig! There's Jimmy sucking off Timmy on his wheelchair!" Tweek showed Craig his phone.

"C-cut it o-out you g-guys." Jimmy said.

"Yeah, it's not funny." Clyde said, leaning on his hand as he pushed his food around on his plate.

"I dunno, this is pretty fucking hilarious to me." Craig said, showing a picture of Clyde in the middle of a Kyle - Cartman sandwich. "I think they captured your eyes pretty well, don't you think?"

"Fuck off!"

"Oh geeze, I'm grounded for sure!" Tweek heard as Butters and Scott walked past their lunch table. "My dad's gunna be real sore. He's gunna say 'Oh uh hey Butters you're not supposed to dress in a bunny costume and give bjs to your friend Kenny'."

"HA" Tweek slapped his hand over his mouth.

"Why are the asian girls targeting us?" Token asked. "We're not gay!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Tweek asked. 

"Yeah," Craig said, taking a bite of his lunch, and talking with his mouth full. "Tweek and I weren't together the first time around."

"Now you know what it's like!" Tweek said.

Tweek almost felt bad for their friends, but when he saw that Clyde retweeted one of the pics of Tweek and Craig  _ after  _ their carefully planned attack, he felt zero remorse.

“I’m sorry!” Clyde said.

“Uh huh.” Tweek said. “Don’t worry, I’m sure some new stories will come up soon and this will all be forgotten.” He side eyes Craig, who almost choked on his food. 

Bebe and Nichole giggled as they walked by the table, both huddled around Bebe’s phone as they pointed at Token and Clyde. 

“Oh really?” Token said. “It’s just artwork!” 

Tweek stood up, taking his lunch to the trash, dropping the content of his tray into the can before just dropping the tray in there as well. He just stared at the tray, feeling the corners of his lips start to twitch. 

“Damnit Kahl - listen! I’m not the bottom! Seriously!” 

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Hah.” Tweek said before bursting into laughter.

A few other students glanced at him as he continued laughing uncontrollably. The laughs only grew when he saw Kyle punch Cartman in the face, and Butters try to punch Kyle, with Kenny and Stan jumping in after a moment.

Things got even more out of hand when Stan was shoved into Jimmy, who promptly fell on top of Stan, prompting Clyde and Token to join in. The entire cafeteria was shouting, and Tweek's sides were killing him as he laughed and laughed.

Craig walked up next to him, dropping his entire tray in the trash as well. He dusted his hands off, and put one hand around Tweek's shoulder’s. "Looks like a successful operation, huh babe?"

Tweek leaned over, forehead on Craig's shoulder as he kept laughing. 

***

"'New drawings appear on vandalized gymnasium'," Craig said, staring at his phone once more. "'Pictures of Cartman yelling '<REDACTED> me, Kyle!' were drawn overtop the initial graffiti'. Heh heh."

Tweek was rapidly pressing buttons on his Xbox controller, doing his best to avoid elbowing Craig, who was laying across the couch with his head in Tweek’s lap, holding his phone up over his face. 

“Fuck!” Tweek shouted, as his character was booted off the edge of a cliff. He dropped the controller on the couch, the movements causing his elbows to bump Craig, prompting Craig to drop his phone on his face. 

“Ow,” Craig said. 

Tweek picked up Craig’s phone, tossing it next to the Xbox controller, and next to the empty pizza box and pile of candy wrappers. “I told you that would happen if you laid like this,” 

Craig sat up, rubbing his face. “Fuck you,”

Tweek tossed an unopened box of candy hearts at Craig, who fumbled to catch it. “Here, candy makes it all better.” 

“Thanks,” came Craig’s response, laced with sarcasm. “Yes, this is the cure for everything.” 

Tweek leaned back into the couch, listening to the sounds of the candy hearts rattling in the cardboard as Craig dumped a few out into his hand. Tweek held his hand out, and Craig tipped the box over, filling up Tweek’s hand with the sugary treat. 

“Groovy,” Tweek said, reading the saying on the heart before popping it in his mouth. 

Craig snickered. “Super cool,” He read back before eating his. 

“Darling,” Tweek read another. 

“Be my sugar daddy,” Craig said, and Tweek nearly dropped all his candies. 

“What the fuck!?” Tweek said, picking up the ones he did drop. 

“Just reading the candy heart, babe.” Craig grinned, holding out one of the hearts. “Be mine.”

Tweek rolled his eyes, shoving Craig back a bit, laughing as the whole box fell to the floor, spilling candy hearts everywhere. He threw his handful of hearts at Craig as well, giving up on the mess he was causing. 

Craig grabbed at Tweek’s wrists, managing to catch only Tweek’s left hand as Tweek squirmed around, using his right hand to poke Craig in the side. “You’re such a fucking asshole,” Tweek said, a smile on his face. 

Craig twisted to avoid Tweek’s pokes. “Oh I’m the asshole, huh?” He started poking Tweek back. 

“ACK!” Tweek yelled. “Stop stop! Okay!” He laughed. 

  
Craig pulled on Tweek’s wrist, bringing Tweek’s entire body flush against his, wrapping his free hand around Tweek’s waist. Tweek returned the gesture and also rested his head on Craig’s shoulder. As the laughter calmed down, so did Tweek’s shaking, and he held Craig tight. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Craig.” He said. 

“That’s fucking gay,” Craig said. 

Tweek laughed, rolling his eyes. “Love you too.” 

Tweek felt Craig’s grip tighten. “You know I love you.” 

Tweek pulled back, his face inches from Craig’s as he stared into Craig’s green eyes. He thought back to the artwork and the comments from Wendy and Bebe. No matter how much detail was put into that artwork, nothing would compare to the real deal. He leaned forward, kissing Craig on the lips, ignoring the sound of surprise from Craig indicating he clearly caught him off guard.

Tweek also ignored the notification sounds coming from Craig’s phone as he pushed closer to Craig, leaning him back onto the couch. He climbed up better on the couch, straddling his legs over each side of Craig, keeping their lips locked together and moving in sync with each other. Tweek reached up and pulled off Craig’s hat, tossing it onto the floor. 

The title sequence music from the Xbox played on repeat throughout the living room, and Craig’s phone flashed one last notification from Eavesdropper before being kicked to the floor. 

_ “Valentine’s Day contest winner chosen for $1,000 prize! Click here to see the winning entry!” _


End file.
